days like this you think about the ones who love you

This past weekend, I attended the wedding of my friends Greg and Heather. I met Greg about a year ago, I believe, when he started working at the Midtown Scholar. I knew he was in a long distance relationship, and the bits and pieces he shared about his girlfriend intrigued me, especially since he's such a great guy himself.

I met Heather this summer when she moved to Harrisburg and became roommates with my friend Liz. It had been a few months since I talked to Greg, so I didn't know they were engaged until we were introduced. Within an hour we had moved on from small talk and began to share what challenges we'd faced in our recent transitions into adulthood and our desires to make sense of this new context. I think we bonded over being introverts in an extroverted crowd, though I'm pretty sure I'm much more of an "I" than she is.

From what I've observed of Greg, he is a focused, "in the zone" kind of worker, (I only really see him in this context). But when Heather walks in the room, his attention noticeably shifts in the best of ways. I've spent more time with Heather than I have Greg, and I can see why he is enamored with her - she has a bold sense of humor and a great laugh. She listens attentively and asks great questions. There are many other reasons, of course, but I must mention one thing I deeply appreciate about them as a couple - I have not once felt isolated in the presence of their mutual delight. They devote time, conversation, and thought to their friendships. They are two of the most down to earth people I know and I am so happy that they found each other.

Celebrating with Greg and Heather was incredibly fun, yet what what has been echoing in my mind since Saturday are the deep soul questions I have about marriage, commitment and everything else about the decision to marry. I may or may not come to understand how two people come to be sure they want to spend the rest of their life with each other. That question in and of itself invokes the same feelings that calculus did in high school- it's like there are two wires in my brain that I know need to touch in order for me to even begin to understand it, but no matter how hard I've tried to make it happen, it won't. One of those things that may be meant to pass me by and if so, I'll be fine without it.

But when I see this face:

and a moment like this:

And when I cry during their vows because of the tone of their voices and because of how brave they are - I must abandon my personal mistrust of the endeavor and enter into the hope and delight of my friends. Whether or not I get married, I never want to close myself off to what is possible, especially when I am priviliged enough to participate in a journey with such beautiful people as these. In a way, this wedding was sacramental for me, even just as an observer. I may be unwilling, unable, or even afraid to hope this for myself, but I do commit to celebrating the promises that my friends make and believing that it is real for them. That marriage can be a mysterious, full gift and that two people can receive the grace to care for that gift for a lifetime.

Orphaned believers, skeptical dreamers

Step forward

You can stay right here.

You don't have to go.

(these days I'm thankful for this song.)